Perspectives by Rev. Clarence Witten

There are certain inescapable theatre rules actors must learn early in order to survive. Rule One: all the technical elements in a play never, ever work quite the way you expect. Rule Two: an audience never, ever works quite the way you expect.

My grade 11 drama class was invited to stage a children’s production of The Three Little Pigs. Among the hockey playing actors there were immediate mutinous rumblings about having to appear in public in pink pig suits until I stressed that the company sponsoring the play was providing free all-you-can-eat pizza.  Happy “grunts” all around.

Actually, the large forward playing the Big Bad Wolf really got into his role. Behind his fake fur cardboard mask and construction paper fangs, he was doing a credible job of roaring and chasing. (Several small audience members openly panicked every time he appeared.) At the precise moment where the BBW had the three Pigs trapped, theatre Rule Two effectively kicked in.

A little boy, no more than five, jumped to his feet, and clambered on stage. The Wolf, Pigs (and all of us backstage) froze. Finally the Wolf leaned down inquiringly. The boy, in a voice that carried nicely to the rafters, exclaimed “Don’t you touch them pigs!” hauled off and belted the Wolf smack in his pointy nose so hard his entire mask flipped sideways.

The audience was treated, as the curtain mercifully dropped, to the sight of three large Pigs piled on top of a struggling Wolf, who later assured me he wouldn’t have murdered the boy, “just damaged him a little.”

The senior class was staging a docudrama about the Mounties’ heroic 1880’s seizure of the American Fort Whoop-Up. The big scene was to feature a cannon blasting through the papier-maché gates with the ‘mounties’ bravely firing their (prop) carbines while the stalwart defenders furiously fought back. Sadly, Rule One then reared its inevitable head. 

Instead of a loud cannon roar, the audience was decidedly startled to hear, instead, a deep Fog Horn pealing out. By the time the sweating sound student could get the tangled tape silenced, it was only to reveal all the attacking Mounties haplessly clicking their prop guns: not a single, solitary gun had actually fired! As epic battles scenes go, a bit of a dud.

The next show, an enterprising actress and her father wheeled in a very small brass canon from off their sail boat. The little gun could not be loaded, fired no objects, and would, they said, only “make a nice bang during the fight.” 

The audience was breathlessly thrilling to the exciting attack on Whoop-Up. The red-coated colonel shouted “Fire!” The parent pushed the button on his little sailboat gun.

The stage crew hit the floor. All the ‘mounties’ hit the floor. In fact, several rows of the audience hit the floor. Apparently, no one had considered that our ‘little gun’ had been specifically designed to be heard over very large expanses of open water.

Our brave mounties were still cowering on the floor as a ragged, quivering, white handkerchief slowly appeared over the card-board battlements of Fort Whoop-Up.

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Dear Editor,

When did the municipal government’s role change to become a bank for private business? I ask this question in opposition to Township Council voting to grant the Morrisburg BIA a loan “up to $12,000” towards an electronic sign.

From my understanding, the Morrisburg BIA represents the businesses in Morrisburg who are only physically located in the village plaza, and is funded through a fee on their annual property taxes. 

That fee pays for marketing, upkeep, improvements, and such for the plaza. This BIA only represents businesses who are physically located in the plaza and does not allow non-plaza businesses located in Morrisburg or South Dundas to join.

If the Morrisburg plaza BIA wants to put up an electronic sign that costs $21,000, and they need a loan for "up to $12,000" to help pay for it, why does the BIA not go to its members? The BIA’s website claims there are 48 businesses in the plaza, which would amount to a contribution of $250 per business towards this sign. The sign would be paid for in full and South Dundas taxpayers would not be loaning the money to private business.

A loan for $12,000 may not seem like a big amount of money, however the township directly loaning money from the taxpayers for a business improvement project benefiting private business is a bad precedent to set.

Now that they have done it once, what is stopping every other business group in the township from holding their hand out to municipal council when they need to borrow?

Council should rethink granting this loan and encourage the BIA to go to its members. If the members are not willing to pay more towards the sign, then maybe the BIA doesn’t really need the electronic sign.

Or the BIA could just do what the rest of us do when we want to spruce up our humble abodes, borrow from a bank or save up your money.

Phillip Blancher

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The countdown for the South Dundas Community Playground is on and as of Monday (September 12) the construction area is closed as site preparation has begun. Three days of site preparation have been planned and the next two are set for Thursday, September 22 and Friday, September 23. The actual build day is set for Saturday, September 24.

This Saturday, September 17, the South Dundas Community and beyond are invited to Iroquois to participate in an exciting all-day Apple Festival in honour of the famous McIntosh apple and its 200th anniversary. Events will run all day long beginning with the farmer’s market opening at 8 a.m. There will be vendors, sidewalk sales and plenty of food, entertainment and activities for all. Might even be an apple or two…

Also this weekend is the fifth Annual Upper Canada Bluegrass Festival, September 16-18 at the Upper Canada Campground located at 13390 County Road 41 east of Morrisburg. Under this year’s Master of Ceremonies, Terry Joe Banjo, the band line up includes Hard Ryde, Grassland, Dave Nichols and Spare Change, Jan Purcell and Pine Road, Bill White and White Pines, Concession 23 and Northwind. For more information visit www.uppercanadacampground.com. Day passes are available for non-campers to take in the festival.

South Dundas and area residents are reminded they can pick up pledge sheets for the annual Terry Fox Run scheduled for this Sunday morning, September 18 at Morrisburg Legion Branch 48. The local run is based out of the Morrisburg Legion.

If you think this coming weekend is busy, it gets busier as we head to the weekend of September 24-25. On Saturday, September 24 we of course have the Children’s Playground Build day in Morrisburg and back at Williamsburg is the annual Harvest Festival. We will have more details available on this event next week.

On Sunday, September 25 the Park Pals Committee has organized a “Homes on the St. Lawrence” House Tour which will feature five local homes. The Park Pals, the committee responsible for the South Dundas Dog Park, is holding the fund raiser to help with ongoing costs for upkeep of the park. In addition to the house tour, the committee has arranged to have five area businesses and individuals decorate the entries to each of the homes. The homes include those of Ian and Cathy Mackay, Marjorie Smith, Gord and Robin Lane, Mae Pederson and Claude Lavoie. We will have more information on this event available next week. The cost of the tour  is set at $20 per person.

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